How to Get Detached From the Path You Are On

In less than a year of being in tech I was already attached to the identity that came with being a software engineer. I went from earning ~$11.00 an hour after 5 years of pay raises at a part-time job to having zero income and living off of student loans. Then suddenly I hit a six-figure salary with my first ‘real’ job. I got a high from just the idea of being able to afford the socially promoted fairy tale of a ‘complete life’.

I didn’t need a new car, but it was more convenient for my road trips to buy one. I didn’t need a luxury car, but the thought of having one was exciting. I was 5 months into earning that six-figure salary and I couldn’t tell you where half of my income had gone. But I knew that now I was on the right path to being able to afford the car, the house, and all the nice things.

Unfortunately, not much has done more damage to the mental health of millennials than the stories we’ve been telling ourselves of how our lives are ‘supposed to be’ going.

The Path You Are On

You’ve obtained, or are on the path, to this ‘complete life’. It’s a life that begins with choosing a career path that will get you a house, some savings, a car. Basically, at the very least, it gives you the appearance of financial stability; making you an ‘attractive’ partner by society’s standards.

I can’t blame anyone for wanting to hang on to something with so much social value. You’ve already achieved a level of success in your chosen career path. You’re used to living a certain lifestyle. You know what conveniences you can afford and how many vacations you can take, but something feels off.

Sometimes, we notice we’re not happy, but don’t know what to do.
It’d be nice to dream about trying something new; a new job, taking more time off, trying a new interest, but we’re scared to do something different.

When Things Just Don’t Feel Right Anymore

I was eight months into my tech career and I wasn’t happy at my job anymore. I was mentally drained more often than not, stressed, anxious and scared to look for something new. I knew I wanted something different, but didn’t want to let go of what I had. What if I change companies and end up somewhere worse? What if I quit for the sake of my mental health, but then can’t land another job as an iOS developer?

The story I started telling myself was, “okay, I just need a plan to be able to land a new job so I can quit this one.” The issue was, I was so burnt out at the end of my workday that I had no mental energy left to look for another job. I started doing the math to figure out if I could afford to quit without having the next thing lined up, but I started panicking and telling myself I needed to save more money, ‘just in case’.

Fortunately, I never had to make the decision to quit, because I got fired lol. Thank you last minute logic that didn’t let me make the impulse purchase of a luxury car!

It’s Time to Take the Leap

Luckily, I had an okay savings and was receiving unemployment benefits due to the pandemic. I started interviewing for my next role right away, but I quickly had to accept that finding my ideal work environment was going to take a while. After a month or so I wasn’t trying as hard anymore. I found myself more interested in dabbling in different things trying to figure out if I could form another stream of income while I looked for my next role as an iOS dev.

While I didn’t take the leap to quit my job, I did jump into exploring interests I never would’ve guessed I had. I never thought that, as introverted as I was back then, I’d want to be making YouTube videos and coaching people while they dare to try something different with their lives.

Sure, it’s comforting to have a plan before making some major life decision, but it’s not necessary. Changing the lifestyle you’re used to can be scary, but it doesn’t take away from what you’ve achieved. Try not to think if it as giving something up, but instead think of it as shifting to new priorities that are in line with your new values.

Need a Little Push?

If you’re hesitating to take a chance at changing your life, ask yourself how much of your life it’s costing you to hang onto the things you’re afraid to let go of.

Be a spider monkey! Dare to take the leap. Let go of the certainties you do have in order to take your best leap forward.